Dealing With Anger

Jamie DiMarco
Mar 19, 2015
5 min read

Spiritual development often comes with unspoken expectations; once a certain milestone of our journey has been reached, it’s tempting to assume that the negative, ego-based emotions and thoughts, like anger, resentment, despair, jealousy, are shed from our personalities. In reality, quite the opposite is true – things are not all love and light. We continue to feel all emotions, regardless of definition and status, much stronger as we work on self actualizing and building a deeper connection with our soul being.

Thoughts and emotions are the fuel that keep us attached to human experiences, and are fundamental constructs utilized during spiritual communication and telepathy. We all have varying degrees of emotional control, and many of us (me, oh so very me) struggle with, and can often be surprised and overwhelmed by, our fiercer, stormier natures. Another point of consideration is that as we heal and become more self aware, buried trauma and other painful emotions surface, and demand to be dealt with. Much of the therapeutic work I do is with women who’ve been abused and traumatized throughout their child and early adulthoods. Anger, simply put, is the most common barrier to true self actualization and emotional liberation. Anger manifests in many ways – psychotic rage, self-destructive and sabotaging behaviors, frustration, narcissism, the desire to control others, the need to numb, revenge, etc. It is the mind’s most basic defense mechanism employed to protect our vulnerability. It is the ego’s greatest weapon against perceived threat. Ergo, it serves a specific role in our human functioning and can be nurtured and tamed, but for those of us with warrior spirits, “nurtured and tamed” seem like impossible goals. More like burn and ravage. It’s difficult to have fulfilling relationships, of any kind, when burn and ravage crash the party. And the relationship that suffers the most? Yep, you got it – the one we have with ourselves. With the understanding in mind that no journey is easy, no battle is won without sacrifice and change, I offer up some tips on how to deal with anger while pursuing spiritual growth: Re-Frame “This shit always happens!” “I’m cursed, nothing ever goes right, no matter what I do.” “They hate me, those bitches be trippin’.” How we perceive an event is how we experience it. Challenge yourself to see a disappointing situation in a different frame of mind. Of course, the reason why it’s a “challenge” is due to convincing your ego to take the step back and re-consider your options – so chew on this: your emotional freedom depends on your ability to be in charge of your own mind. Your mind filters your emotional reactions, and your emotional reactions help manifest the types of experiences that come to you. If you think everything sucks, everyone sucks, then your experiences will SUCK. By changing your mind, and changing your perception, things stop sucking.

The tough swallow - no matter what anyone does to you, no matter what happens, you always have emotional control and power over yourself. You always, ALWAYS have the control and the power over your perceptions, and thus your experiences. While you’re blaming others for your misfortune you stay stuck in the suck. Change your mind and change your life. Meditate with Compassion and Love for Self If daily meditation isn’t part of your practice, you’re missing a significant component of emotional liberation. Don’t go there with excuses. Stop. Why is meditation so important? Because it demonstrates to you that you’re not your thoughts and you are not the product of your emotions. Here is where you come to understand that you have the control and the power over your life choices. The mind can’t tell the difference between fact or fiction, something our inner demons take advantage of. We spend a great deal of conscious time living out stories and worries in our heads, none of which are happening in present time. The body responds accordingly, and the mind becomes conditioned to accept disappointment, failure, and cruel, inner taunts as the way life is. Fight back. Take whatever opportunities allowed to fill your being with feelings of compassion, love; feel what it would be like if everything were OKAY. This will help you to re-condition the mind and to shift your emotional being into a higher vibrational state. Grow love, be compassionate within yourself. Conscious Breathing To start, take 60 seconds a day to focus on your breathing. Count each in and out breath until you reach 10, then repeat. For those who struggle with inner stillness due to anxiety and need more stimulation, try breathing, counting the breaths, and visualizing a candle that is lit with each in breath and then blown out with each out breath. It’s difficult to create new habits, but you’re worth it! This isn’t tortuous exercise or counting calories – it breathing, something you do already. Making a commitment to meditate is like sending yourself your favorite flowers everyday. Name Your Triggers – Know Thyself Rejection, rejection, REJECTION. You’ll never guess what the number one trigger to anger is... Rejection comes in many forms: a breakup, loss of employment, a fight with a friend, family struggles, death, and so on. Take some time to observe what type of rejection fuels your anger. Do you feel like you lack something - love, money, a stable living environment, friends, connection, better health? Name your demons. Getting to know yourself, especially in the darkest of places, gives you power and helps you access and use that power to create the quality of life you deserve. Stop the victim mentality – it may give you a quick payoff in the short term, but you will never be free of others’ control over you and the way you live and act. So, name those demons. Acknowledge your fears and continue the journey to face them. Your courage is within you, be your own champion! Embrace Your Anger Anger hits hard when you are most vulnerable. That’s its function – to protect your vulnerability. If it weren’t for this defense mechanism of the mind, your personality would be splintering and fragmenting without any real way to contain it, making it impossible to inhabit these bodies and remain sentient. The human animal, like all Earth creatures, is built to survive at any cost. Anger is a natural part of the human condition, and if you understand it as such, you learn to tame and nurture it, even love it, instead of letting it run you over.