Chopper's Blog: Vulnerable Power
It’s a compliment.
What is?
When people don’t like you and feel strong enough about it to be nasty or do something provoking.
Hmmm. Then why does it feel like a slap in the face?
Because that’s how you believe you need to react to it.
Typical spirit guide answer. Not all that helpful, but pretty and well intentioned.
(He laughs and rolls his eyes, or pretends to roll his eyes)
You can’t help yourself. You feel bad when someone tells you things they don’t like about you. You get upset, you say horrible things back, or you block them on facebook, or you decide that you need to be stronger and tougher and just not deal with that shit anymore. You take the “high” road. I used to do it all the time when I was alive. Blocked people from even knowing I cared how they felt about me. Out moraled them.
Listen, you don’t look at people and think, oh, they’re just telling me I suck because they hate themselves and this is the same way they speak to the person they think they are in their own head. You make it about you. It’s never about you. That’s the conflict, the inner struggle. You want it to be about you, and they want it to be about you, because control and power are the fundamental issues at stake. When someone tells you that you’re an asshole and they can’t stand you because you did wrong by them, and they act crazy and with anger and blame, how do you respond? Do you feel threatened? Does your sense of worth and self feel attacked?
Ummmm… Yeah, honestly, yeah it does. Obviously.
And then what do you do? Do you take time to question that, to maybe consider that feeling isn’t authentic but something you have been taught to feel?
But they’re wrong! My biggest trigger to anger is when people blame me or hate me for their own actions! What am I supposed to do when people lash out at me, pull me into their drama so they can blame me for it?
(I get a smug smile)
Take it as a compliment. How do you feel when somebody compliments you?
Well, I feel really good, and I also feel a little insecure, like I hope I can meet that expectation every time.
And…
And what?
Do you see how it’s pretty close to when someone does the opposite of compliment you?
I’m lost, I guess, I don’t get the connection.
They’re both conditioned responses that have the ability to make feel you powerful and insecure at the same time. You feel powerful when someone hates on you because you obviously have some kind of dominance, some strong, perceived meaning over that person, at least from their perspective. You feel good when you get praise because that means you’re someone who is displaying their worth and talent. And it’s being recognized as favorable. That’s all POWER related. Ego power. And it can be taken as quick as it was given. See how easy it is to give your power away? You feel insecure, in both situations, because you’re not sure that person is recognizing YOU, the real you. The real you who is kind and full of heart, and flawed and broken - HUMAN, simultaneously. This is where real power found, in those vulnerable emotions. And when you understand that your vulnerability is key to owning your power, you'll find it becomes much easier to choose how to react to others who are in fear.
Ahh, I see where you are taking this! To paraphrase a great spiritual teaching – “You must learn to live beyond the praise and criticism of others to be authentic and whole in your actual self.”
And to not judge others for when they’re lashing out at you, whether deserved or not, as well as to not let praise go to your head or fuel that inner self-critic.
To take it as a compliment, then…? How are you tying this all together?
Compliments. Complaints. They’re pretty much the same thing; it’s how you react to them. And both those reactions are conditioned responses that feed the ego, not so much the soul. But to take something in a more positive regard is moving you closer to always reacting in a loving, kind and compassionate way. When a person compliments you, you don’t look at them like they’re crazy and say mean things or think mean things. You embrace them. When you do the same to someone who is criticizing you, you allow love, growth, and healing to become the lesson, instead of allowing the judgment, self loathing, and pain of the ego to be the lesson. Make sense? We’re building stronger, better humans and human experiences by being stronger, better and more thoughtful humans. It’s a cycle, you know how much I love pointing out cycles ;)
It totally makes sense. Of course it’s a cycle, haha, you have taught me most everything is cyclical, so it can be predictable.
And what is predictable can be changed.
Thanks for taking the time to go there on this topic. Love you <3
You’re welcome! Mitakuye Oyasin and Love to you and all. :)
**Chopper is Jamie DiMarco's spirit guide, once a holy man of his people while in human form. Now he enjoys being a spirit helper and scaring Jamie (for fun). They have been working together for close to 20 years.
